Why does it feel so different making friends as an adult?

Why does it feel so different making friends as an adult? When did we stop asking people that looked fun to join us on the swings, to join a kickball game, or to come to our birthday party?  

I recently joined Twin Cities Collective on a new series called Trails and Tales, where she walks in fabulous locations and chats with folks about their stories. We chatted about The Mustache Cat (of course), cooperation over competition (the Vintage Fall Crawl), the Saint Paul community, and making friends as an adult! 

Originally from New Jersey, I am a Minnesota transplant and have worked hard to build a community here since I moved (still hard to believe it has been 12 years) and have so enjoyed building a community at The Mustache Cat.  

Here are a few of my favorite tips that have been shared with me or that I’ve learned along the way 🧡

1. Minimize the “no”  

You might think this is a wild concept, especially if you (like me) enjoy being in your PJs and binging your favorite show. The hard truth is, if you say no too many times you won’t get invited again… so, say YES as much as you can 

2. Act like a tourist in your own city  

Go on the tours (one of my favorites is the Summit architecture tour) see the top sites (recent highlight was visiting Hmong Marketplace), and spend time off the beaten paths. It’s a really neat way to feel a sense of ownership over YOUR new home. Saint Paul is a pretty fabulous city - I wrote a little love note to STP here to share my favorite things about the Twin City to the East. I also practiced a bit this summer and shared some of my favorite happenings (both in Minneapolis and Saint Paul) and ways to be a tourist in your own town.

3. Be the plan maker - want to grab a coffee?  

Even if you are not normally the driver of plans - give it a shot! Invite a new person to do something fun (it could be kickball or the swings) or ask to grab coffee. Whether it's inviting someone for drink at a local brewery, taking a scenic walk along the Mississippi River, or a casual game of kickball in a neighborhood park, being the plan maker shows your interest in getting to know others. Bonus - it also allows you to bring back the playground day feelings of “want to be my friend.”

Let us know what has worked for you or how it goes if/when you try one of these - we love hearing how you build your community!